So Rich, So Pretty

Sooooooo yesterday while sitting in my grandmas car douchebag called me. And yeah.....
I told him how I felt and he came up with this dumb excuse which kinda made since but NOT REALLY. He said that the reason he told me not to talk to him was because he was faded and he didn't want his baby mama to argue with him and say that he was sitting here drinking with a female when he was suppose to be at his sons appointment. It still pisses me off like...who cares what his baby mama thinks? Seriously? That's not how he was coming off a week ago. And then when I started telling him how bad it made me feel and I almost started crying and he was like "IM thizzin SOOO HARD."
UGH!
Wow he's a douche bag. I hate him.
Anyways im getting ready to leave the house and go make some money, and NOT give it to him.
I look pretty cute today I got new clothes and my hair is in twisties.
Im suppose to meet Becky later on oh and then I got to see Morning Star too...
Kinda sucks that I have to work right up the street from Douchebag...what if he walks down the street and sees me? Oh well.

I cant believe I've been so stupid all this time and wasted my time on him, trusted him with everything, gave him my money, lost friends over him, spent all my time with him, left Centennial Peaks for him....
Wow.
I never thought I would actually be THAT STUPID.
And I remember thinking "If a guy ever put hands on me I would beat his ass and leave."
But never did I hit him back and never did I walk away.
I wish he had've told me that he was still going out with his baby mama, that would've made shit SO MUCH EASIER.
Wowwww hahahah Im like...SO STUPID. I got played hardcore. And all the signs were there. All that shit he told me about how his baby mama didn't mean nothing and they weren't in a relationship was ALL BULLSHIT because when we saw her at the 7-11 I was the one that he told to act like we weren't talking and then when she saw us she was like to him "get away from me." LIKE SHE WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND. AND THEN HE RAN UP BEHIND HER AND HUGGED HER AND JUST LEFT ME....
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW?
i had so much plans with him.
I cant get an apartment by myself...well I guess I could...but I dont want to.
I haven't officially broken up with him but I can't act like nothing happen. I cant talk to him no more. I should've listen to all my friends when they said he was a douchebag and an asshole.
Im so hurt 

<b>but to one person you may be the world.


 

ha it's crazy how my bf (correction...larry?) was JUST telling me how much he cares about me and all this BULLSHIT...and then well he basically proves that he's cheated on me.
yeah basically.
I feel like shit.
I kinda wanna  take a grip of my meds or sleeping pills....so I can sleep for like 2 days straight.
But I dont have either of that.
So maybe I'll just drink.
shit Idk.
I just dont wanna be here right now.

Today was a sad...sad day.
I mean it was probably the best day I've ever spent with my boyfriend but it was the last day I'll see him in a LONG TIME, possibly forever. Like the whole day we tried not to talk about it and finally when we were on the lightrail going to my grandmas house I just broke down and started crying. And then my grandma drove him home and the whole ride I was crying...but none of that was important because when we got out of the car I was crying on him and at first I thought I was getting tears on him and then he started talking and he was choking up...and then he started crying...and then he told me he loved me.
And the only other times in his life he's cried it always had to do with his son.
And the only other people he's told he's loved is his mom and his baby mama and the only reason he told his baby momma that is cuz she put in so much work (hoein) for him.
That's the FIRST time he's ever told me he's loved me.
God I just want to die.
I cant imagine life without him and now I got to do it headfirst.
I want to die.
I want to die.
We talked about this and he even said himself that dying wouldn't be that bad.
I feel like i've let him down going to rehab and leaving him.
what ever happened to being in this together?
im a failure.
i hopeeeeeeeeee i have his baby.
I got 8 more days to find out.
BYE EVERYONE<3
I love you LARRY EATON

That they get an opening for me at centennial peaks before I change my mind

need to get slapped in the face.
me first....
goooooooooooooodnite
i'll pray dear GOD everything went alright with Larry tonight<3

Sooooo
today Larry and I drank two fourties.
And he was just all idk...disappointed that I went with those other guys which was understandable.
Anyways he had to meet with his son at 7:30pm...and I thought we had left on time.
Andddd at first I told him that there's a big chance that im preg, no duh.
And at first he said some bullshit like "are you sure it's not those other guys that you were with this weekend?"
and I gave him this reallll evil look and he's like "kay nevermind."
And yeah, it was WEIRD.
but it was okay though ya know.
anyways he was REALLY late for his visitation thingy and it was hella sad.
i feel really bad.
I peeked in his bag when he walked off to find a cig and there was pampers and formula and like all this baby stuff.
And it just made me wanna cry ya know?
Like even though his son is living in this foster home he makes sure he provides all the stuff.
I feel bad.
He should've called me by now.
Im pretty sure he missed the appointment so he should be home by now.

when my boyfrain says
"but I liked-ed you."
haha that's how he says liked.
it's so cutteeeee he sounds like a lil kid!
alright gudnite

Okay so like 2 years ago I used to baby sit for this lady ms.lisa all the time. She had a kid named jacob that was 1 at the time and a boy named thomas that was like 9.
I stopped baby sitting for her and she had 2 more kids. She also had this boyfriend who sat around and smoked weed all day. The youngest kid which was a girl which is 4 months...well anyways...basically my mom called me up and told me that Ms.Lisa's boyfriend had broke the little girls legs and arm, and shook it so hard that it's been in a coma for 3 weeks and at first it was going to die so they were planning it's funeral and then it came back but it's still on life support and even if it doesn't die it'll be on life support for ever.
This is so sad.
That fucking bastard is in jail for attempted murder and if the baby dies he's in there for murder.
I mean... FUCK.
This used to be my moms bestfriend. I used to baby sit for her EVERY day. And that is like the worse thing you could ever imagine to happen to your baby...isn't that so sad?

I couldn't even began to comprehend holding someone in me for 9 months...being so excited and then having your boyfriend kill it or make it a vegetable.

Larry called me twice today before I answered.
Psh.
He's not really important right now.
Anyways tommorow im going to work, I have to be at his house at 9am so I have to wake up at 7.

Today I went over Chantes and caught up on old stuff while drinking hot beer from my grandparents and eating Keesh sp.? and some potatoe stuff she cooked. IT WAS BOMB!
She's a really good cook.
I want to start cooking.

Yeahhh
I really dont feel like waking up all early in the morning and prancing around in a mini skirt on colfax in 50 degree weather for a fucking JERK of a boyfriend.

Yesterday the social worker came over to inspect our house so I had to go over to Dymonds.
All she did was talk to my brother and my brother told her everything.
How I've been staying at my moms house and how my mom told me to leave because she was coming over.
After she was done talking to him she didn't say anything to my mom she just walked out of the door.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH!
She's risking going to jail now.
Im NEVER going to be able to go back and live with her now even if I did go to rehab. Do you know how bad this looks on our case?
Why would you turn your own family in?!?!?!
I called Larry yesterday crying and told him.
He wanted me to go over to his house but his mom was going to be home soon so I told him I was just going to go up to Boulder and he got all mad that I wouldn't go and see him first.
Then my mom pissed me off so I started yelling at her and he got mad at me and was like "you need to apologize do it for me."
So I hung up on him but then I called him back and he was mad even more.
About "respect?"
Ugh.
Then later on I called him and gave him directions to court for his kid and then I was like so are we going to kick it tommorow?
And he acted like he didn't want to and he was like "I'll call you tommorow."
And I was like "you know what I know your not going to call me tommorow so im not even going to wait around, bye."

Fuck it seems like everything always has to be about him!
He sees all this bullshit im going through, for once could it not be about his attitude and me pleasing him?!?!?

</3why when he hangs up on me it's alright but when im hang up on him it's THE BIGGEST THING IN THE WORLD!? </3Why do I have to go make money all night while his sitting in bed waiting for me and if I dont make enough he gets mad?! </3Why do I have to travel to his house (an hour and thirty minute bus ride) almost every day and he NEVER comes to my house? </3Why cant I chill with other guys but he's ALWAYS talking about his baby mama cinnamon and makes it SUCH A big deal to go all the way to montbello to her work just to pick up some letters she wrote to him. I FUCKING HATE HIM, LIFE, EVERYTHING. Now I have to stay with my fucking grandma...theres NOTHING to do! It only gets worse, obviously.

Met up with larry.
Went to work.
Made 55 dollars...sad:(
got a motel.
We drank....
I woke up with a hell a hangover.
He had an attitude for a while because I was supposed to go to work.
then Dej came over and we drank absolut vodka.
Then we went to larry's, were very bored and made PORN, like real porn!
Thenn...I had to beg this fool for about an hour to come over to my house.
My mom picked us up and dej went home.
We had sex first thing when we got there and he yeah nutted in me.
We watched movies and snuggled up.
Larry has a crush on my mom...it's disturbing but then kinda cute lol.
He was so sick, his nose was red and he was coughing up mucus and using wads of toilet paper to blow his nose and his whole body was sore and all he ate was rice.
So I took care of him.
Chelika came over and we all watched prom night and what happens in vegas stays in vegas.
Then Chelika left and we watched more t.v
Then Larry decided to sleep on the mattress because he didn't want my mom to get mad which pissed me off.
In the morning I woke up and jumped on him and we just layed there for a while and then we had sex but we couldn't finish because we didn't want my mom to know.
Then we just layed in bed and my mom bought him echinacea, cough syrup and these cold pills. I made him eat an orange and drink the cough syrup haha and he almost puked.
Thennnn my mom took him home and in the car I just layed my head on his lap while he was singing songs and then he kissed me and kept telling me to be good and then he left! Im supposed to call him tonight.
I CANT WAIT TO SEE IF IM PREGGERS!

I still wife her up even with a flat chest!

Are we in this together?
No matter what?
Like Bonnie and Clyde?

so I was on the phone with this fuckin douche bag cocky ass UGH i dont even know how to explain how much my dislike is for him.
Anyways he called me and he doesn't even really say anything he just is fuckin laughing to this movie he's watching and being stupid and every once and a while he'll say something.
Then he's like "im all stressed out because I have court next wednesday and I dont know how im going to get there because it's in Brighton."
So im like "here you want me to look up the busses for you? give me the address."
And he's like I dont know the address the paper is laying around here somewhere.
Ugh and im thinking in my head well...FUCKING GO FIND IT IF YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR KID AND YOU'RE SOOOO STRESSED!
and im like "well what is the courthouse name?"
And he's like "I dont know it's just a courthouse, fuck that fuck it."
And I get pissed and im like "Fuck it then."
And he's like "alright."
So then im like "you know what just call me back later." and I hang up.
He's soooo annoying he fucking calls me with some bullshit. I try to help him out.
UGH.
It's not like I can break up with him either because I dont know if im pregnant or not with his kid. I was SO stupid to let him nut in me all those times without a condom but we were fucked up and he was the one that asked to do it.
FUCK.
FUCKKKK
I want out of this soooo bad.
I fucking HATE HIM!
I should've never answered the phone.

Or maybe I was just blind.
But im starting to not like him anymore, at all.
Maybe im just scared.
Because for some reason when his babies mama (cinnamon) gets out,
I think it's going to be different.
And I dont want to go through that.
I had 2 bad dreams. One where we were living together and I woke up and she was in his bed.
Then another one last night where I called him and asked what he was doing and he was like:
"watching a movie cuddled up with Cinnamon."
I think im going crazyyyyy

Im pretty sure I might break up with him...
I might even call him later on today and tell him.
I dont want to do something im going to regret though.
And he reads all my text messages.
Never trusts me.
Puts me under so much pressure.
I hate ALL his friends so I can never go anywhere with him.


FUCK ITS FALLIN APART.
Im in tears right now I dont know what to do.

I think im just really depressed in the first place lately.
That's why I dont want to break up with him because it might just be a phase im going thru.
Fuck I hopeee hopeeee hopeeee doing the right thing

OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA!!!!
woohooo WON!
Im so happyyyyy
I watched the election all day.
I dont know what I would've done if Mccain had've won.
Im so happyyyyy
and not just because he's black either.
That's a plus just because it shows that America isn't as racist as I thought it was.
But also he's FOR abortion which I feel is a womans right if she doesn't abuse it and just sleeps around with everyone gets knocked up about 5 times and then kills each of them.
Plus his plan on health care which will lower health care costs by 2,500 dollars. you know my family is over 20,000 dollars in debt from me just because we couldn't afford insurance all the times I was hospitalized.
And the tax cut that the low and middle income will take

Anddddd
even though he doesn't support gay marriage he's for civil unions and gay rights and equality unlike mccain who opposes gay marriage AND civil unions.

Anyways im happppayyyyyyy

Hahahaha Larry is a turd. He calls me up and is like "wat are you doing?"
And im like "watching the election."
And he's like "Woooohooo the first black president! WOOOOOO!"
And im like HELLLL YEAHHHH
Then I asked what he did today and he's like hung out downtown and thizzed and traveled everywhere and then he's like why didn't you call me today?
And im like...why would I you weren't even there.
And he was like well you didn't know that there weren't any missed calls from you.
ha im not going to call him for now on or a little while im going to see if he calls me. He wants me to like be on his jock...that aint happening.
I want to learn how to braid so I can braid his hair. It's sooo long, it's sexy...i dont want no other woman having him sit between their legs while they braid MY MANS LUSCIOUS LOCKS^_^
it was funny though because he was all fucked up when he called me and he kept screaming like every 5 minutes just out of nowhere because he was so happy that Obama won.
WOOOH I CANT BELIEVE IM NOT PARTYING RIGHT NOW!!!!

I kinda miss having a girlfriend...like idk, I get bored with who im with QUICK ya know. Like Adrianne, I got irritated. Im not talking about breaking up with my boyfriend I just want someone else too. I wonder if I should get back with Adrianne...hahahha noooo bad idea. I need someone faithful. I think my boyfriend is...I think he would tell me if he ever cheated on me. I would HOPE so...that would be the end of it!
yeah I think im going to go on a search for a girlfriend.



WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

My boyfriend called me like an hour ago angry and sad. I dont really know I guess he just has a lot of stress and frustration and I asked him what happened and he's just like just little things. I knew exactly how he felt.
Anyways he just started talking about really depressing shit but it was obvious that he didn't feel comfortable telling me and I want him to feel like he can tell me anything.
Then he was like "babe have you ever felt like you didn't have ANYONE?"
And I was like "yes why is that how you feel?"
And he was like "yeah."
And I was like..."you dont even feel like you have me?"
And he was like "sometimes."
I think I put him in an even worse mood because he was asking me things and of course I would tell him the truth...im not going to lie just because it will make him feel better.

I hate it when he's sad it brings me down too.
alright im going to bed.

is mad.
fuck him.
that wasn't his money.
and then he tried to say that I left him! BULLSHIT.
anyways im getting ready so I can go meet up w/ him and get sum more

last night I made 140 bucks in 2 hours...
just wait until my boyfriend calls hahaha